Stay Gone
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: When we try to make it work, we both end up hurt. And love ain't supposed to be that way. EO


Okay, so I was watching the eighth season of SVU, the episode Sin, and a line in it inspired me to write this. What was Kathy thinking after Elliot stood her up for drinks? Now, I've never done anything like this before, so I'm a little nervous. Hopefully you guys will like it. The song I used was Jimmy Wayne's Stay Gone, a very beautiful song. Enjoy, and please remember to review.

Disclaimer: Oh, so not mine.

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

Kathy stared down at the phone in disbelief. She couldn't believe that he was doing this, again, after showing up at her door and practically begging to come back home. His plea had seemed genuine, but even as she agreed to talk, she wondered what this really was. Had he truly turned a new leaf, or had a case just hit him so hard that it sent him running back to the most familiar place for him?

She set her phone down, then finished off her drink. If he was truly repentant, why had he blown her off? She looked down at the dress she was wearing. Who was she trying to fool? She honestly thought that if she could reach him, she could somehow revive their marriage and bring him home.

She got a refill on her drink and stared down into the glass. She had competed with his job for so many years, and there were times he had accused her of not trusting him because of the amount of time he spent with Olivia. The truth was that she had always resented his job, even before he had been partnered with Olivia. If it was simply because of her, it would almost be easier. She could at least personify her fears. But in truth, Olivia was only the last in a long line of problems their marriage had suffered.

Her drink disappeared long before her thought did. At one time she had been so full of life, of hopes and dreams and goals. Then she had met Elliot. He was a catch, the most popular senior with gorgeous blue eyes and a smile that could dazzle even the dreariest of days. She had been smitten instantly, and after meeting him, she only wanted to spend more time with him. They had the same ideals and upbringing, and seemed interested in children and marriage. She had wanted to finish college, then start a family.

But all of those ideas were wiped away by one night of unsatisfying, sweaty groping in the back of his car. After that, they seemed to drift apart, and she focused on college and life beyond school.

Three weeks later, she had sat on a public toilet crying and holding a pregnancy stick that clearly read positive. She was pregnant, and everything she wanted was put aside as she told Elliot, and both of their families pushed for marriage.

They were married two weeks after they graduated, and after Maureen was born, she saw almost everything she had ever wanted from life slipping further and further out of her grasp. Yet she never resented her child, or any of the three that came along during their marriage.

Her resentment only arose as Elliot's job seemed to take him away more and more, leaving her alone to raise their four children. He would be gone before the morning light most days, and he would come trudging home hours after she had tucked the children into bed and kissed them good night.

When she had first seen Elliot, it hadn't been love at first sight. And Maureen hadn't been the product of a loving relationship. But she did love and respect him for supporting them and being there for them when he could. She never let it warp into hate, even though at times it seemed that it would have been the easier thing to do. If she hated him, she wouldn't be sitting alone at a bar at ten o'clock at night, pondering her life choices. If she hated him, she would have done everything in her power to not only divorce him, but to make sure he would never see their children again. But she didn't.

Their marriage had been one of convenience from the start, and now she was reminded of why she had finally filed for divorce. She respected and loved him, but she had fallen out of love with him years ago. She loved him for fathering her children, and she loved him for being him. But there was no point in trying to resuscitate their long dead marriage. It would only put their children through more unnecessary pain, pain they didn't deserve to go through. They had already been put through enough.

And she had been put through enough.

She set the unfinished drink down and paid the bartender, then grabbed her purse and stepped out into the warm night air. She couldn't believe how she felt, how free.

_I've found peace of mind _

_I'm feeling good again _

_I'm on the other side _

_Back among the living _

_Ain't a cloud in the sky _

_All my tears have been cried _

_And I can _

_Finally say_

After going home to change and check on the kids, she got back in the car and drove to Elliot's apartment. His car wasn't parked out front, but she wasn't going to leave without talking to him. It didn't matter if she had to wait all night. Her mother was at the house with the kids. She parked the car and got out, then walked up to the steps and sat down.

It was nearly two hours and six false hopes when he finally pulled up, and she looked relieved.

Elliot was shocked when he saw Kathy sitting on his steps, and he yanked the keys out of the ignition and jumped out of the car. He slammed the door shut and jogged up to the steps. "Kathy?" The worst was running through his mind. One of the kids was sick or hurt, she was hurt... "Kathy, what's wrong?"

She looked up at him, then patted the concrete. "Sit down, Elliot."

Whatever it was, it couldn't be that serious, so he nodded and sat down beside her.

She sighed heavily, staring down at her barren left hand.

"Kathy?"

She ran her hands through her thick hair. "Why didn't you show up tonight?" Her voice wasn't accusing, but it was hurt.

He sighed. "I told you, I got caught up at work. I'm sorry."

She blew out a heavy breath and wiped her hands on her pants. "Do you ever get tired of saying that?" she wondered.

He frowned, but he knew that she had a point. "Kath, I don't know what you want me to say."

"You said that you wanted to come home, that you wanted to work this out."

"I still do."

_Baby, baby, stay _

_Stay right where you are _

_I like it this way _

_It's good for my heart _

_I haven't felt like this _

_In God knows how long _

_I know everything's gonna be okay _

_If you just stay gone_

She met his eyes. "Why?"

Confusion filled his features. "What do you mean, why? You're my wife. I love you."

"Elliot, there's a reason that we split up in the first place, and there was a reason that you signed those papers."

"Because I didn't want you to regret me!" His voice was filled with anger and hurt.

"And I don't." She dropped her gaze to her lap again. "Elliot, I don't know why you came home that night. I don't know if it was guilt, or a case..." She shook her head. "Whatever it was, it wasn't how you really felt."

"What are you talking about? Of course it was how I felt."

She shook her head. "You know it's not. I love you, Elliot. You're a good man, and I'll always love you. So will our children."

"Kathy..."

"But we can't keep doing this. Every time we try to fix us..." She motioned between them. "We both just get hurt. Every time. And I can't do it anymore."

"I can change," he protested weakly, touching her hand.

She squeezed his hand, then pulled her hand away. "No, you can't. You never have been able to. And... and that's okay."

Tears of remorse and regret were filling his eyes. "I love you, Kathy."

"And you know I love you. Always. But I also know you, El." She sniffled. "It's not supposed to be this way. It's not supposed to hurt like this."

_I still love you _

_And I will forever _

_We can't hide the truth _

_We know each other better _

_When we try to make it work _

_We both end up hurt _

_And it ain't supposed _

_To be that way_

_So baby, baby, stay _

_Stay right where you are _

_I like it this way _

_It's good for my heart _

_I haven't felt like this _

_In God knows how long _

_I know everything's gonna be okay _

_If you just stay gone_

"Twenty years, Kathy. It's been twenty years..."

She nodded. "I know."

"What changed?"

"A lot of things, Elliot." She looked up at the night sky. "I wasn't ready for marriage. You weren't, either. But you did the right thing." She reached over and took his hand, squeezing it gently. "And we have four beautiful children now. But... I can't do this to them. I can't do it to me." She met his eyes as a tear dripped down her cheek. "And I can't do it to you."

He reached out and wiped the tear away tenderly. Too many times he was the cause of tears for her, and not enough times had he been there to wipe them away. It wasn't fair to her. He realized that long ago, but his pride refused to let him let go of the long dead relationship. It had devolved from one of love to one of... He didn't even know what it was anymore, and that saddened him deeply.

She reached up and touched his hand, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry, Elliot."

He shook his head. "No, don't apologize. I'm the one who needs to apologize to you." His broad shoulders shuddered. "I'm sorry, Kathy. For everything. You deserved better than me."

"You're a good man, Elliot. But you deserve someone who understands you better." He had no idea just how hard that was for her to admit. That she had failed to keep her marriage together and knew that he needed someone who could deal with being second to his job. She never had been able to. And she shouldn't have to.

"You understand me."

"Not as much as you need." She looked away from him. "I'll talk to the kids. You can come get the rest of your stuff whenever you're ready." Her voice was soft. "And you know I won't keep any of them from you."

He nodded numbly. "I know..."

She squeezed his hand again, then leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I love you, Elliot. But you know that this is for the best."

He trembled.

_When we try to make it work _

_We both end up hurt _

_Love ain't supposed _

_ To be that way_

"It's going to be okay, Elliot," she promised, rubbing his back as she rested her head against his.

"When?" He had been waiting for it to be okay for what felt like forever.

"I don't know. But it will."

"How can you know?"

"I just do." She kissed his forehead, then slowly pulled away from him.

He scrubbed his hand roughly over his face. He would give anything for a drink right now. But oddly enough, there was no pain left to kill. He was just numb.

She continued rubbing his back for a moment. "I have to get home. I'll hug the kids for you."

He nodded. "Thanks..."

She stood up as a third car pulled up to the building, and she had no doubts as to who it was.

Elliot didn't seem to notice.

Olivia got out of the car and walked toward the building. On the steps she saw her partner. She squinted. And Kathy. Her heart dropped, and for a moment, she considered turning around and walking away. But she couldn't convince her heart, or her feet. She continued toward the steps.

She hadn't been face to face with Olivia in weeks, not since she had asked her to convince Elliot to sign the divorce papers. This was the woman that had always made her feel so insecure, but oddly enough, she only felt relief. She didn't want to leave him alone right now, and she knew that he would be in good hands with his partner. She swallowed hard and nodded at Olivia. "Hi."

Olivia stopped in front of her, tense. "Hey." She looked past her, at her partner. His posture screamed defeat, and she knew. "How are the kids?" she finally asked.

"They're good. You should come see them." She surprised herself when she said that, but it wasn't a false invitation.

"Thanks. I'll do that."

They stood there for a minute or two, tense. Then Kathy finally touched her arm. "Thanks for the help, Olivia." She walked away, back to her car.

Olivia turned around, surprised and confused. But before she could say anything, Kathy was walking away. She finally hurried up to the steps, and to her partner. "Hey..."

He looked up at her, surprised and lost. "Liv."

She nodded, sitting down beside him. "You okay?"

He stared down at his hands, at the tan line where his ring had rested for twenty years. "I... don't know," he answered honestly.

She scooted closer to him, hesitating before she laid her hand gently on his thigh. "Want to talk about it?" He needed to get it out.

He finally turned his head and looked at her.

_So baby, baby stay _

_Stay right where you are _

_I like it this way _

_It's good for my heart _

_I haven't felt like this _

_No, in God knows how long _

_I know everything's gonna be okay _

_If you just stay gone_

Kathy turned around when she reached the curb, and she watched her ex with his partner. She was leaned into him, her hand resting on his leg as her lips moved.

She put her hands in her pockets, blinking back her tears. She had tried to be a good wife. She just wasn't right for him. And she knew that letting him go was the best thing that she could do for both of them.

The ache in her heart was already starting to ebb a little, and she was surprised at her lack of reaction when Olivia helped Elliot to his feet and they disappeared into his building.

She stayed where she was for a few minutes, and when she finally moved toward her car, she smiled.

Everything was going to be okay now.

_I know everything's gonna be okay _

_If you just stay gone_

The End

A/N: Well, there you go. Like I said, it's the first time I've ever done a Kathy revolved fic, so I'm proud of myself, and I hope everyone enjoyed it. Please remember to review and let me know what you guys thought about it!


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